HOLLYWOOD CA -- Renowned fighting game player and wall-denting enthusiast Eliver "KillerKai"Ling recently announced his retirement from the fighting game tournaments, citing his intention to concentrate exclusively on his acting career. The announcement came swiftly after a disappointing 9th-place finish at Norcal Regionals, a dimly lit tournament hosted in Sacramento, California.
"There has never been opportunity in the film world for an actor of ambiguous oriental descent" said Mr. Ling. "Whether the role calls for Japanese, Chinese… pretty much any of the 'eses or 'eans — an actor like myself can fit the role, given that the average white person can't tell the difference." Ling continued on to describe, at great length, his joys of portraying such rich characters as "Asian Thug", "Ming Warrior", and "Nguyen".
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CALIFORNIA -- Literally dozens of individuals took to the internet to express extreme outrage at what they are calling the "stupidest decision I have ever seen" after Bronson Tran, Northern California Tekken player and organizer behind the StrongStyle Tekken tournament series, announced that the event's eighth iteration would not feature a live stream, much to the dismay of somewhere between twelve to twenty-four people.
Mr. Tran appeared on the now woman-friendly live talk format program Avoiding the Puddle, hosted by two individuals the Capcom fighting game community identified as "The Guy from Cross Assault" and "The Guy Who Got Bodied By Sherryjenix on Cross Assault", to reveal that plans had been finalized to hold the event in San Mateo, California in September of this year. However, what was initially met with elation from the tens of viewers watching the show rapidly deteriorated into hostility when Tran proclaimed the tournament would not be available for viewing via popular live video portal TwitchTV.
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