By Scoop Newsman on Thursday, March 20, 2014 with 11 comments
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NEW YORK CITY -- Sanford Kelly, expert Marvel vs Capcom 2 player and famed excuse-for-losing generator, has announced that he will be creating a nonprofit called "Sticks Without Borders", a program designed to provide secondhand fight sticks to low income and otherwise impoverished fighting game fans, both in the United States and abroad.
"After I trashed my stick at Next Level because it made me lose against Rico [Jonathan DeLeon], I thought about all of the people that can't afford a stick, either because they are too poor or sticks cost way too much in ther native country", said a deeply introspective Mr. Kelly. "I thought about how selfish and immature destroying my stick was, even though it made me lose, and I think that I should do more to help players who are less fortunate than I am and aren't as good as me [in Street Fighter]." Mr. Kelly leaned into the FGCNN correspondent's voice recorder and added, "Rico only won because my stick screwed up my inputs; I'm better than he is. I'm the best. He can't beat me in a long set. I just had a lot on my mind."
Mr. Kelly noted that the initial batch of sticks which will be donated, free of charge to those in need will come from his personal repository of defective or damaged sticks. The sticks will be refurbished to working condition by volunteers from Next Level Arcade before they are distributed to needy players all around the world. "These sticks have all caused me to lose at least once, so I either tossed them in the closet or just smashed them in a blind rage,"
said Mr. Kelly, looking visibly agitated and uncomfortable. "Once the parts are replaced and brought up to my standards, they will be completely usable by whoever ends up with them. If they lose, it's their own fault; they should hold that L and not take it out on the stick. They should think of everyone else, like them, who might not be able to afford a stick or who can't buy one at a reasonable price."
Mr. Kelly added that he plans to ask companies such as Qanba and Mad Catz to donate excess stock in order to expand the pool of sticks for him to smash after he loses and then donate through his charity. Representatives from Qanba and Mad Catz were unavailable for comment, but Mark "MarkMan" Julio of Mad Catz did say through his Twitter account, "I'm proud that [Mr. Kelly] chose us as his stick of choice to carry into battle. It's unfortunate that it failed him; we'll re-evaluate our manufacturing processes in the future to ensure that all of our sticks are able to handle [Mr. Kelly's] unmatched execution and errorless, cat-like inputs."
Will Mr. Kelly's chairty help provide opportunities for up-and-coming players to improve as competitors and expand their local communities? Should Henry "Golden" Cen install a rubber floor to protect himself and his patrons from flying fight stick parts? Let us know in the comments below!
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