"Justin Wong Launches "#banthepirates" Campaign, Bans Himself After Realizing He Is A Pirate"

By Unknown on Friday, January 22, 2016 with 3 comments

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Following a heated Twitter fracas surrounding pirates and piracy, Justin “Marvelous” Wong has announced that he is banning himself from the 2016 Capcom Pro Tour for Street Fighter V. The incident began following an overwhelming victory in Mad Catz's V Cup by Official Unofficial Capcom Beta-Tester Long "LPN" Nguyen. Twitter was set aflame by angry top players claiming that Mr. Nguyen had an unfair advantage due to possession of an illegal pirate copy of the game. Among the most vocal of these accusers was Evil Geniuses's own Mr. Wong, a player who was unable to enter the tournament due to his Uber Black Car not being able to make it to the venue on time.

Mr. Wong launched a Twitter campaign with the aim of banning gamers who have practiced piracy from entering tournaments. This campaign, emblazoned with the hashtag #banthepirates, was approved by several prominent tournament organizers, and Capcom itself.

However, after scanning his own Twitter history and finding incriminating tweets, Mr. Wong was forced to add himself to the banned list. "I was surprised to find that other people would actually question my claims of innocence, having never engaged in piracy myself”, said a flustered Mr. Wong. “After accusing others of piracy, I began to look inward and I remembered that time I downloaded and burned a copy of Melty Blood: Actress Again, and all those times I read bootleg translations of Naruto and One Piece... oh, and that one time I downloaded illegal roms and streamed myself playing them...I realized at that point that I should remove myself from the 2016 [Capcom] Pro Tour for engaging in piracy. [Hashtag], banthepirates!”.

When this FGCNN reporter asked if he would download a Pizza, Mr. Wong enthusiastically replied, “Are you kidding me? Of course I would!”. Mr. Nguyen was unavailable for comment, as he was busy continuing to train on his pirated copy of the game and counting the $30 he won at a tournament that no one will remember a month from now. A spokesperson from Capcom refused comment, and was later seen delivering what appeared to be a Playstation 4 development console to a home in the Hillsdale neighborhood of San Mateo, California.

Is Mr. Wong a true paragon of virtue? Is Mr. Nguyen a dirty, cheating scoundrel who gained an unfair competitive advantage by downloading a torrent any idiot can find on Kick Ass Torrents? Is the Capcom Police Department complicit in this wave of organized cheating and early access? Can I get a copy? Let us know in the comments below!


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kaapper said...
January 23, 2016 at 9:36 PM

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kaapper said...
January 23, 2016 at 9:39 PM

illumanti ayyeeee loma

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