WALNUT, CA — Months after a massive coup which resulted in Triforce Johnson fleeing the country for his safety, Mike Watson has officially replaced Mr. Johnson as Supreme Manchild, a position which includes such duties as making the FGC look socially regressive and exploiting it for personal and financial gain.

While many are uncertain as to whether Mr. Watson can maintain the “leadership” that Mr. Johnson provided while in office, the consensus remains that, by participating in petty online arguments and purchasing expensive toilets on rented property, Mr. Watson is primed to tightly fill the sandy shoes of his predecessor.

“With [Mr. Johnson] gone, the community had nobody in which to direct our hatred” said BrolysThirdLeg, a professional r/kappa user. “People in the subreddit just spewed hatred to anyone who spoke. It was pure anarchy. But now with [Mike Watson] behaving with the class and intelligence of people literally half his age, the community can return to its days of glory!”

LEFT: A helpful matrix of leadership skills (click to enlarge)

Some critics think that Mr. Watson may not have what it takes to maintain the position. “If [Mike Watson] sticks to throwing decent tournaments and keeps his big mouth shut, he might be forced out of office.” remarked ChefBoyardee_BowlOfSoul, a fighting game community analyst and evangelical atheist.

Mr. Watson is expected to give a low-budget press conference later this week, but only if 10 people subscribe to his channel on Twitch.tv. When questioned for further details, Mr. Watson challenged FGCNN correspondents to a fist fizzzight in the Super Arcade parking lot.

What do you think? Will Mr. Watson deliver on his promise to provide the FGC with hours of entertainment through internet thuggery? Or will he be intimidated by screen captures of user's bank accounts? Let us know in the comments below!

SAN FRANCISCO - Riding the wave of his successful head-banging performance at Capcom Cup 2014 as well as the "success" of his most recent FGC themed game Stick Chucker, world famous face DJ and game designer A_Rival, has announced his latest game DJ iPAD Headnika, exclusively for the iPad.

In a recent interview with FGCNN, A_Rival discussed his vision of music and gaming. "I wanted others to feel what it's like to be a professional world-class iDJ, and with Headnika, you'll soon be playing the hottest hits in fighting game music with your skull."

LEFT: Marcus, 23, after a closed public demo of Headnika. "It's like the shards of glass are in 3D!"

In the ambulance ride over to the emergency room after a "dope concussion session" at his music studio, FGCNN was invited to a private demo of his game. Beautiful imagery, live video and colorful graphics compliment the blood that shoots out of every cranial orifice when crushing your head to the beat.



The controls are straight-forward; A colored icon appears on screen, and once the glowing bar hovers over an icon, the player must Dirty Buffalo the iPad as hard as possible. The bigger the impact, the more points and intracranial hemorrhaging the player receives.


"It's difficult at times, like when there are two red icons to hit. The game really shows you how hard it is for real DJs like me.", A_Rival remarked. We then dove head-first into the next song.

A_Rival explains, "Even though the head smashing is simple to grasp, it's still a competitive game." When asked the question if competitive smashing led to irreparable brain damage, A_Rival responded "Yes, but Nintendo is doing the best they can."

A_Rival plans to release branded accessories such as bite-guards for protecting your tongue during the inevitable seizures, as well as replacement touchscreen glass kits for iPads.

What do you think? Will DJ iPAD Headnika be the iOS smash hit of the new year? Will people be able to handle the mindgames of DJ iPAD Headnika? Let us know in the comments below.

HOLLYWOOD CA -- Renowned fighting game player and wall-denting enthusiast Eliver "KillerKai"Ling recently announced his retirement from the fighting game tournaments, citing his intention to concentrate exclusively on his acting career. The announcement came swiftly after a disappointing 9th-place finish at Norcal Regionals, a dimly lit tournament hosted in Sacramento, California.

"There has never been opportunity in the film world for an actor of ambiguous oriental descent" said Mr. Ling. "Whether the role calls for Japanese, Chinese… pretty much any of the 'eses or 'eans — an actor like myself can fit the role, given that the average white person can't tell the difference." Ling continued on to describe, at great length, his joys of portraying such rich characters as "Asian Thug", "Ming Warrior", and "Nguyen".

Mr. Ling was also quick to point out that his earnings as a film star have already proven more lucrative than his winnings as a professional gamer. "Just the other day, I made $50 as 'Miko's gang member (uncredited)' and I got free catered lunch on top of that," said an elated Ling. "I think I made the right decision to move forward with my career in acting." Eliver's latest starring role as "Stuntman" in the film "Anita Ho" only reinforces this notion, and although FGCNN's research team was unable to determine whether Ling plays as a stuntman or a character named "Stuntman" in the film, they did agree that it'd be more awesome if it were the latter.

Do you think that Eliver Ling is better suited for the acting world? Will the fighting game scene be the same without KillerKai in their tournament brackets? How do you escape from ApologyMan's unblockable setups? Sound off in the comments!

CALIFORNIA -- Literally dozens of individuals took to the internet to express extreme outrage at what they are calling the "stupidest decision I have ever seen" after Bronson Tran, Northern California Tekken player and organizer behind the StrongStyle Tekken tournament series, announced that the event's eighth iteration would not feature a live stream, much to the dismay of somewhere between twelve to twenty-four people.
Mr. Tran appeared on the now woman-friendly live talk format program Avoiding the Puddle, hosted by two individuals the Capcom fighting game community identified as "The Guy from Cross Assault" and "The Guy Who Got Bodied By Sherryjenix on Cross Assault", to reveal that plans had been finalized to hold the event in San Mateo, California in September of this year. However, what was initially met with elation from the tens of viewers watching the show rapidly deteriorated into hostility when Tran proclaimed the tournament would not be available for viewing via popular live video portal TwitchTV.
"This is bullshit, okay?" said TwitchTV user EMP_sherryjenixssportsbra when asked to comment. "Every major has a stream. What about the people that can’t make it to the tournament? How are they supposed to enjoy it? They’re supposed to just pay out five hundred dollars to attend or they’re shit out of luck?"
When asked if he intended to attend the tournament, Mr. sherryjenixssportsbra replied that he had never heard of StrongStyle before the announcement, so it was unfair for him to be expected to be prepared to attend.



President of LevelUp and fighting game legend Alex "CaliPower" Valle took to Twitter to voice his displeasure with the decision to not live stream Tekken from StrongStyle. "NorCal Strongstyle not going to be streamed? Good luck with that[, Bronson Tran]". Mr. Valle was later seen backtracking on this comment after the two or three people who still care about Tekken lashed out at him, presumably in defense of Mr. Tran.
Mr. Valle and LevelUp recently made the announcement that PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale would be joining the line-up for Wednesday Night Fights, joining the likes of perennial draw Injustice: Gods Among Us. LevelUp’s partnership with Sony's Santa Monica Studio caught many gamers off guard, as they had completely forgotten the game existed. Many accused Mr. Valle’s Twitter comments of being drawn from a place of professional cynicism over missing an opportunity to stream the event and earn more money to spend in the champagne room on weekends, though a trusted source within the LevelUp production crew told a FGCNN correspondent, "We were just looking to see if we could stream something even more dead than Injustice."
Mr. Tran, who our sources inform us has sequestered himself at the advisement of federal law enforcement after being targeted by several credible death threats, was unavailable to comment at the time of the publishing of this piece.
Is Mr. Tran completely out of line for not providing a free stream to several dozen Tekken fans? Is Mr. Valle attempting to corner the market for streaming dead and irrelevant games? Will Mr. sherryjenixssportsbra get the full-figured support of other monsters? Let us know in the comments below!

LOS ANGELES -- It has been over a week since the conclusion of "Socal Regionals 2014", a premiere Fighting Game Community tournament based in Los Angeles, and Vineeth "Apology Man" Meka has yet to apologize for defeating Ryan "Filipino Champ" Ramirez in Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3 by abusing an unblockable loop setup.
During the match, a distraught Mr. Ramirez made sure to look directly at Mr. Meka while Mr. Meka used unblockable loops with Firebrand to defeat him in what quickly became a single-player game. "It's in the game, so I don't see what the problem is", said a triumphant Mr. Meka. Earlier in the day, Mr. Meka made a series of angry tweets after losing to an unblockable used by Kokonoe players in Blazblue: Chrono Trigger, implying that it did not give him a chance to play and that the unblockable should be removed from the game.
Supporters of Mr. Meka said that the criticism was unfair, since Marvel is a broken "kusoge" or "shitty game"; his supporters appeared to be mainly Anime players who were playing BlazBlue, a historically balanced series with fair characters which are further refined in each subsequent iteration.
Mr. Meka remained silent on the issue, but Mr. Ramirez was adamant that he live up to his name and apologize. "My team is like, you know, skill-based. You can't just play my team and mash crouching L to win matches you know what i'm saying? People have a chance to play against me until I get five bars."
Christopher "Chris G" Gonzalez, widely considered to be Marvel's top player, was unavailable for comment as he was occupied working with local firefighters to rescue a cat stuck in a tree, but he did provide the following brief statement via email: "At least my opponent has the option of blocking my unavoidable, unrelenting stream of projectiles. What he is doing is disgracing the game."
Will Mr. Meka live up to his name and apologize? Should Mr. Meka change his handle, or Internet alias to reflect the fact that he won't apologize for being a cheap player? Let us know how you feel in the comments below!