HOLLYWOOD CA -- Renowned fighting game player and wall-denting enthusiast Eliver "KillerKai"Ling recently announced his retirement from the fighting game tournaments, citing his intention to concentrate exclusively on his acting career. The announcement came swiftly after a disappointing 9th-place finish at Norcal Regionals, a dimly lit tournament hosted in Sacramento, California.

"There has never been opportunity in the film world for an actor of ambiguous oriental descent" said Mr. Ling. "Whether the role calls for Japanese, Chinese… pretty much any of the 'eses or 'eans — an actor like myself can fit the role, given that the average white person can't tell the difference." Ling continued on to describe, at great length, his joys of portraying such rich characters as "Asian Thug", "Ming Warrior", and "Nguyen".

Mr. Ling was also quick to point out that his earnings as a film star have already proven more lucrative than his winnings as a professional gamer. "Just the other day, I made $50 as 'Miko's gang member (uncredited)' and I got free catered lunch on top of that," said an elated Ling. "I think I made the right decision to move forward with my career in acting." Eliver's latest starring role as "Stuntman" in the film "Anita Ho" only reinforces this notion, and although FGCNN's research team was unable to determine whether Ling plays as a stuntman or a character named "Stuntman" in the film, they did agree that it'd be more awesome if it were the latter.

Do you think that Eliver Ling is better suited for the acting world? Will the fighting game scene be the same without KillerKai in their tournament brackets? How do you escape from ApologyMan's unblockable setups? Sound off in the comments!

CALIFORNIA -- Literally dozens of individuals took to the internet to express extreme outrage at what they are calling the "stupidest decision I have ever seen" after Bronson Tran, Northern California Tekken player and organizer behind the StrongStyle Tekken tournament series, announced that the event's eighth iteration would not feature a live stream, much to the dismay of somewhere between twelve to twenty-four people.
Mr. Tran appeared on the now woman-friendly live talk format program Avoiding the Puddle, hosted by two individuals the Capcom fighting game community identified as "The Guy from Cross Assault" and "The Guy Who Got Bodied By Sherryjenix on Cross Assault", to reveal that plans had been finalized to hold the event in San Mateo, California in September of this year. However, what was initially met with elation from the tens of viewers watching the show rapidly deteriorated into hostility when Tran proclaimed the tournament would not be available for viewing via popular live video portal TwitchTV.
"This is bullshit, okay?" said TwitchTV user EMP_sherryjenixssportsbra when asked to comment. "Every major has a stream. What about the people that can’t make it to the tournament? How are they supposed to enjoy it? They’re supposed to just pay out five hundred dollars to attend or they’re shit out of luck?"
When asked if he intended to attend the tournament, Mr. sherryjenixssportsbra replied that he had never heard of StrongStyle before the announcement, so it was unfair for him to be expected to be prepared to attend.



President of LevelUp and fighting game legend Alex "CaliPower" Valle took to Twitter to voice his displeasure with the decision to not live stream Tekken from StrongStyle. "NorCal Strongstyle not going to be streamed? Good luck with that[, Bronson Tran]". Mr. Valle was later seen backtracking on this comment after the two or three people who still care about Tekken lashed out at him, presumably in defense of Mr. Tran.
Mr. Valle and LevelUp recently made the announcement that PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale would be joining the line-up for Wednesday Night Fights, joining the likes of perennial draw Injustice: Gods Among Us. LevelUp’s partnership with Sony's Santa Monica Studio caught many gamers off guard, as they had completely forgotten the game existed. Many accused Mr. Valle’s Twitter comments of being drawn from a place of professional cynicism over missing an opportunity to stream the event and earn more money to spend in the champagne room on weekends, though a trusted source within the LevelUp production crew told a FGCNN correspondent, "We were just looking to see if we could stream something even more dead than Injustice."
Mr. Tran, who our sources inform us has sequestered himself at the advisement of federal law enforcement after being targeted by several credible death threats, was unavailable to comment at the time of the publishing of this piece.
Is Mr. Tran completely out of line for not providing a free stream to several dozen Tekken fans? Is Mr. Valle attempting to corner the market for streaming dead and irrelevant games? Will Mr. sherryjenixssportsbra get the full-figured support of other monsters? Let us know in the comments below!

LOS ANGELES -- It has been over a week since the conclusion of "Socal Regionals 2014", a premiere Fighting Game Community tournament based in Los Angeles, and Vineeth "Apology Man" Meka has yet to apologize for defeating Ryan "Filipino Champ" Ramirez in Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3 by abusing an unblockable loop setup.
During the match, a distraught Mr. Ramirez made sure to look directly at Mr. Meka while Mr. Meka used unblockable loops with Firebrand to defeat him in what quickly became a single-player game. "It's in the game, so I don't see what the problem is", said a triumphant Mr. Meka. Earlier in the day, Mr. Meka made a series of angry tweets after losing to an unblockable used by Kokonoe players in Blazblue: Chrono Trigger, implying that it did not give him a chance to play and that the unblockable should be removed from the game.
Supporters of Mr. Meka said that the criticism was unfair, since Marvel is a broken "kusoge" or "shitty game"; his supporters appeared to be mainly Anime players who were playing BlazBlue, a historically balanced series with fair characters which are further refined in each subsequent iteration.
Mr. Meka remained silent on the issue, but Mr. Ramirez was adamant that he live up to his name and apologize. "My team is like, you know, skill-based. You can't just play my team and mash crouching L to win matches you know what i'm saying? People have a chance to play against me until I get five bars."
Christopher "Chris G" Gonzalez, widely considered to be Marvel's top player, was unavailable for comment as he was occupied working with local firefighters to rescue a cat stuck in a tree, but he did provide the following brief statement via email: "At least my opponent has the option of blocking my unavoidable, unrelenting stream of projectiles. What he is doing is disgracing the game."
Will Mr. Meka live up to his name and apologize? Should Mr. Meka change his handle, or Internet alias to reflect the fact that he won't apologize for being a cheap player? Let us know how you feel in the comments below!

Proposed new logo design for Team Sleepy

Victor "Spooky" Fontanez shocked the Fighting Game Community this past Friday during "Day 0" of Winter Brawl by revealing that his media and competitive gaming conglomerate, "Team Spooky", would be rebranding itself as "Team Sleepy".
"I was inspired after watching Chris "ChrisG" Gonzalez body all of New York week in and week out with his Morrigan/Doom/Vergil team, so I began taking short naps while the matches played out", said Mr. Fontanez in a brief interview which was cut short when he abruptly began snoring and appeared to have fallen asleep. FGCNN reporters attempted to touch Mr. Fontanez's laptop in an attempt to rouse him from his slumber, at which point he suddenly regained consciousness and added, "I bust my ass day in and day out and I don't get to take breaks, so I figure I should try to get some Z's in during the streams. Besides, Marvel is getting boring and Vortex Fighter is enough to put anyone under these days. That's where the idea for 'Team Sleepy' came from".
Mr. Fontanez made the introduction, ironically, during a series of Team Tournaments on the inaugural day of the Winter Brawl stream. Mr. Fontanez started off the stream with his trademark introduction: "What's up guys, this is--" and nodded off, lightly snoring while the stream went on unattended. Spooky's team mates, Min "TS|Min" An and Arturo "Sabin" Sanchez could also been seen taking naps during their match against Team Korea in the Super Street Fighter IV Team Tournament, with Mr. An losing to Avermedia's Kelvin Jeon after opting to go for a siesta, and Mr. Sanchez pulling off a win when he unexpectedly awoke during a critical point in the match and made an amazing read. "I don't even know what happened, I was half-asleep dreaming about Kamui when I woke up and just pressed some buttons, but it worked out in the end", said a dazed Mr. Sanchez. Shorty thereafter, Mr. Sanchez was observed falling asleep in the spectator's area, mumbling something about subscribing to his Youtube channel.
As the face of "Team Sleepy", Mr. Fontanez is also considering changing his handle(internet alias) to "Sleepy" as part of the rebranding effort. "Taking a nap is one of the few moments of peace for me lately, and we're rebranding the team, so maybe I should change my name to be consistent". Mr. Fontanez curled into a ball on the ground next to a FGCNN correspondent and began purring softly, apparently having fallen asleep.
In addition to the rebranding. Mr. Fontanez also intends to expand his programming offerings into areas such as sleep observation. Mr. Fontanez plans to set up a webcam in his room and stream himself sleeping, which he says "will give the skulls a deeper connection to myself as a person and the brand. I want Team Sleepy to be a family". Mr. Fontanez admits that such a stream may violate Twitch.tv's Terms of Service, but FGCNN Analysists suspect this will not be an issue, as Twitch is known to enforce their Terms of Service to suit their best interests.



Will "Team Sleepy" help Mr. Fontanez and his company cross over into the mainstream? Is Mr. Fontanez overworked, underpaid, and drowning in sleep debt? Will Mr. Fontanez regret the change now that Mr. Gonzalez has relocated to California? Let us know in the comments below!

LAS VEGAS -- As Evolution Champion Series (EVO2K), the world's largest and most profitable fighting game tournament, inches ever closer, hungry and impoverished gamers eagerly wait to learn the lineup of games which will be announced on iPlaywinner's podcast "The Fray". Once-a-year fighting game fans are sure to rejoice over the prospect of sync-watching a lineup of games they may have played once with a few friends while drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon.  The announcement, originally scheduled to take place on February 6th, was delayed by Joey "MrWizard" Cuellar after a tragic betting disaster involving the Denver Broncos and the subsequent McRib binge which left him digestively incapacitated. In light of this unexpected catastrophe, FGCNN's Strategy Team has contacted its most trusted sources to bring you the most comprehensive and probable list of games that you can expect to see at EVO2K this year.


INCLUDED: Killer Instinct
FGCNN analysts consider Killer Instinct a no-brainer. With Amazon's recent purchase of Double Helix, Microsoft will be desperate to maintain customer confidence in their new system's flagship fighting franchise, and with desperation comes prime opportunity for related event organizers to squeeze promotional capital from these deep-pocketed companies. Mad Catz's joystick department could also use help clearing their warehouses which are full of Killer Instinct Fight Sticks.




INCLUDED: Street Fighter X Tekken
This next game on the roster will certainly be Capcom's beloved Street Fighter X Tekken, which, despite its bad press and nonexistent tournament scene, will serve as a great vehicle to change Capcom's mind about leaving their game unplayable online for their PC audience. As a bonus, FGCNN notes that there are plenty of Street Fighter X Tekken Sticks that Mad Catz has available at a discount.




INCLUDED: Injustice: Gods Among Us
Past experience has shown that Netherrealm Studios have never shied away from shelling out the cash money for a prominent spot in EVO2K's lineup. Netherrealm Studios has also teamed up with Mad Catz to produce a tournament-caliber fighting joystick, which is available for purchase now. FGCNN admits that the entire staff fell asleep during the top 8 of last year's tournament, but also remarked their relief at the possibility of not seeing Superman mirrors.




NOT INCLUDED: KOF XIII
With no free t-shirt to bait EVO2K entrants, FGCNN's data shows that KOF XIII's numbers are sure to collapse. Other studies show that players in the Asian region are reacting negatively to being super-free to Latin America and may not attend. Possible replacements include Soul Calibur V, which has a tournament joystick avaiable courtesy of our friends at Mad Catz.




INCLUDED: Super Smash Bros (any version)
The Fighting Game Community has continually voiced the concern that the Smash Brothers series is not a fighting game; however, given their strong showing at Apex and their incredible donation performance last year, the EVO2K staff would be wise to appease Nintendo in any way possible, despite Nintendo's past disdain for its own community and lack of a Mad Catz joystick.




WILDCARD: BlazBlue: Chrono Trigger
While not a complete shoe-in, FGCNN suggests that Square Enix's popularity in the Japanese Role-Playing Game realm maybe entice a brand new audience to attend and compete in EVO, and possibly purchase a BlazBlue joystick from the excess pile at Mad Catz's HQ. FGCNN's sources inform us that excess piles of BlazBlue joystick boxes at the Mad Catz warehouses look remarkably similar to piles of Walter White's cash in Breaking Bad.



How accurate are our staff's predictions? Can the FGC maintain it's hype amidst lack of new games? Will this Evolution Championship Series be the best yet? Will the Seahawks win the Super Bowl next year? Let us know in the comments!