BLOOMINGTON, MN -

Organizers celebrate another year of record donations for the charity event known as FGDQ or Fighting Games Die Quick - an annual gathering where players speed run the popularity of the latest fighting games, trying to obtain as much playtime and stream profitability as possible before the inevitable death of the game's player base.

Titles at this year's FGDQ include Tekken 7, Mortal Kombat 11 and Dragonball Fighter Z. A bonus game of the dead-on-arrival Samurai Shodown will be played if the donation incentive of a ridiculously high $15 is met. Xuses, professional vulture and annual reuploader of FGDQ told FGCNN Esports Correspondent Get Goodson "If we don't make the incentive, maybe I'll use all the money I stole from others streamer's content to cover it".

Cygames VP of Marketing desperately tries to stay awake on stage while presenting a demo of Granblue Fantasy Versus to the crowd.

One event organizer has hinted at the return of FGDQ legends Justin Wong and Kelvin Jeon - 2012's record holders in the "Fastest Death of A Scene" category for Street Fighter x Tekken. "I'm not saying this Justin guy is going to show up" said FGDQ Chief Influencer @RandomNewGameCPMStreamThot, "but he reposts and faves all of my 'Black Guy Sidewalk Challenge' videos on Twitter, so it's possible."




According to FGDQ founder Adam "Keits" Heart, creator and world-record holder for the fastest dying game ever made Divekick, current total donations for the charity event is at $36, with $32 of it charged back by the East Coast scene when they found out they can't actually win the donations, which makes this year so far the largest donation amount ever for FGDQ at an impressive $4.00.

"We can't wait to present Martin "Marn" Phan with this check and finally get him back to the States. We always need a good sponsor like Team MRN to really push the limits on how to quickly kill a scene by bringing his experience in rapidly murdering a scene and his brand, thanks to his personal business ethics."

FGDQ is streamed live this entire week on twitch.tv.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA -

Not to be deterred by their history of doing nothing to help fix obvious problems with their products or their tournaments, Capcom announced a upcoming patch to Street Fighter V designed to help players deal with hecklers, crowd noise, and human vuvulezas at offline tournaments according to a statement given by Damon Anderson of Capcom.

The new feature, aptly named "Screaming", will simulate the typical experience for players at offline tournaments by randomly and frequently piping banshee-esque screams of various pitch, tone and intensity through the player's selected audio output. For the most accurate experience of what it's like to have your eardrums ruptured like the pros, Capcom suggests using the Pro-As-Fuck headset by Victrix, the official headset sponsor of the Capcom Pro Tour.

"We're looking to provide players with a real and jarring simulation of the offline experience; Goons screaming in your ear, from as little as a few inches away", said Mr. Anderson. "We sampled thousands of the most annoying players who are widely regarded as experts in damaging their blowholes with sideline commentary that many competitors have mistaken for air-raid sirens". This new feature will seamlessly bring the experience of hearing a broad array of screams, from the lowest setting of a deafening shrill of grown men screeching during a scramble, all the way up to the max volume possible, known as Caba.

The new Screaming option set all the way to Caba in the Sound Settings of Street Fighter V.

The reaction from some members of the community in response to this new feature has been in support of the change. "This is the real way of playing matches", said Saul "MenaRD" Mena. "If your group doesn't have your back like that, it's not my problem. Get louder friends and set your Twitter account to private while you're at it". Mr. Mena added that he was "proud" of his friend and fellow countryman Christopher "Caba" Rodriguez for being the inspiration for Capcom "to show the world how we do it in the Dominican Republic".

Screaming will be available in English or Japanese, along with the deluxe "Spanish" option available for 40,000 FM through the game's online marketplace. "We hope to add a complete suite of localized screaming options post-launch, but given our track record of taking years to ship a complete product, I wouldn't expect much."

Thanks to our sign-language interpreter for helping in this article.

Are millenials too soft to deal with people screaming in their ears during offline tournaments? Are older players simply too hard of hearing to notice how obnoxious some of these guys are? Should Capcom enforce the rules of their own tournament for once? Let us know in the comments below!

ABOVE: FGC legend Justin Wong

Mr. Julio was more forthcoming to FGCNN, saying "I believe it's time for me to utilize the skills I honed assembling an army of cosplayers for Mad Catz events to mentor some of [the Fighting Game Community's] greatest stars into using their popularity to bring name brands into sponsoring FGC events and players. This new empire of competitive players will be a great benefit to the sport of Fighting Games and electronic sports as a whole."

Mark "Buyforce" Julio's FGC brand hope to bring in fresh talent and sponsors.

Mr. Julio, who would only respond under his new moniker of "Buyforce", lists some of the current sponsors he is targeting. "I am currently looking at sponsorship deals with brands such as Nike and Supreme, as well as any place that has carne asada fries, anime or vintage gaming keychains or cellphone cases... all that. This is my current initiative for my future Knights and Valkyries at Empire Markadia".

Buyforce, (Left) holding his trademark NES Zapper light gun, holds a group of potential investors at the EVO Japan press conference hostage and states his demands.

Future plans for Empire Markadia include relocating his management firm and players to a posh gaming house called the "mARC" where players are able to practice, and "a huge 3-foot wall dedicated to displaying our trophies and achievements to impress potential sponsors", according to Mr. Julio. The trophy case will be impressive should potential sponsors ever come to the mARC and not get robbed on the way there.

When asked about plans to sign additional players to contracts, Mr. Julio, excitingly gripping his characteristic NES Zapper, stated that he would love to "recruit players who are loyal to the expansion of the empire, and are financially able to provide their own flight, rent, and living expenditures." Empire Markadia plans to attend events in close proximity to the coast, "preferably the beach", in order to maximize earnings and stay true to Mr. Julio's Southern California roots.

Will Empire Markadia succeed in attracting new players with its coherent, well thought-out business plan? Will Mr. Wong succeed in setting new high scores to scribe the name of Empire Markadia into the Guinness Book of World Records? How is Mr. Wong's driver's license not suspended yet? Let us know in the comments below!

WASHINGTON, DC -- America was stunned when Du "Nuckledu" Dang, a 19 year old Florida resident, defeated Hajime "Tokido" Taniguchi at the Red Bull-sponsored 2016 Capcom Pro Tour North America Finals. America never got a chance to regroup, thanks to President-elect Donald Trump's upset victory for the White House— and our new president wasn't pleased at Mr. Dang breaking America's most prestigious losing streak since the War on Drugs.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - FGCNN has uncovered details of Capcom's next update to Street Fighter V which will include what is being called "A 'Security Enhancement' to improve the Street Fighter experience". FGCNN Analysts have concluded that this is either a way to keep Joshua "Wolfkrone" Philpot from logging into the Capcom Fight Network ever again, or an updated, improved version of their so-called "rootkit", or "malware" which was included with (and subsequently removed from) the latest version of the game.

While attempting to punish loyal, paying customers as well as a few chat monsters who spend too much time shitposting on Internet message boards, Capcom sought to improve the experience of Street Fighter V players by installing a rootkit designed to invasively monitor and examine a player's porn collection and social media posts. The "rootkit" was removed following the fighting game community's outrage, despite not understanding what a "rootkit" even is, and FGCNN has obtained internal Capcom documents which indicate that they're not done with their attempts at sabotaging the computers of their own paying customers.



The leaked documents detail the "Security Enhancement" and its features, some of which include:

• Automatically runs as your computer administrator without your knowledge, thanks to a "new and improved" malware package stolen from a Chinese hacking forum instead of the inferior Sri Lankan Neopets forum
• Replacing "racist, homophobic and mysognistic comments" posted to social media and stream chat with "positive, inclusive language, free of trigger words and memes"
• Uses the player's machine to power the Capcom Fighter Network, allegedly "providing an improved gameplay experience while reducing our operating cost"
• Harnesses idle GPU cycles to help Neidel "Haunts" Crisan complete arithmetic calculations
• Deleting any mention of, and the ability to type the word "Mighty", or the number 9.

Upon hearing this information, it left only one single thought: You got to be rootkidding me!

When FGCNN pressed Capcom for more insight into why they thought hijacking a player's computer was a good idea, let alone trying it a second time, a Capcom spokesperson provided the following statement:

Capcom believes that installing malicious software on your computer is the right decision. Being exposed as incompetent is not going to stop us. The reason why? Courage. The courage to move on and continue to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result... this betters all of us. Also, be sure to buy our CPT Premiere Package DLC so we can continue to provide you with new and improved ways to destroy your illegal Windows installation.

Will the new "Security Enhancement" fix the input lag present in the game? Will Mr. Philpot ever stop being a bitch and take the loss? Does anyone know if this FGCNN reporter can request a Steam refund for the game? Let us know in the comments below!

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Following a heated Twitter fracas surrounding pirates and piracy, Justin “Marvelous” Wong has announced that he is banning himself from the 2016 Capcom Pro Tour for Street Fighter V. The incident began following an overwhelming victory in Mad Catz's V Cup by Official Unofficial Capcom Beta-Tester Long "LPN" Nguyen. Twitter was set aflame by angry top players claiming that Mr. Nguyen had an unfair advantage due to possession of an illegal pirate copy of the game. Among the most vocal of these accusers was Evil Geniuses's own Mr. Wong, a player who was unable to enter the tournament due to his Uber Black Car not being able to make it to the venue on time.

Mr. Wong launched a Twitter campaign with the aim of banning gamers who have practiced piracy from entering tournaments. This campaign, emblazoned with the hashtag #banthepirates, was approved by several prominent tournament organizers, and Capcom itself.

However, after scanning his own Twitter history and finding incriminating tweets, Mr. Wong was forced to add himself to the banned list. "I was surprised to find that other people would actually question my claims of innocence, having never engaged in piracy myself”, said a flustered Mr. Wong. “After accusing others of piracy, I began to look inward and I remembered that time I downloaded and burned a copy of Melty Blood: Actress Again, and all those times I read bootleg translations of Naruto and One Piece... oh, and that one time I downloaded illegal roms and streamed myself playing them...I realized at that point that I should remove myself from the 2016 [Capcom] Pro Tour for engaging in piracy. [Hashtag], banthepirates!”.

When this FGCNN reporter asked if he would download a Pizza, Mr. Wong enthusiastically replied, “Are you kidding me? Of course I would!”. Mr. Nguyen was unavailable for comment, as he was busy continuing to train on his pirated copy of the game and counting the $30 he won at a tournament that no one will remember a month from now. A spokesperson from Capcom refused comment, and was later seen delivering what appeared to be a Playstation 4 development console to a home in the Hillsdale neighborhood of San Mateo, California.

Is Mr. Wong a true paragon of virtue? Is Mr. Nguyen a dirty, cheating scoundrel who gained an unfair competitive advantage by downloading a torrent any idiot can find on Kick Ass Torrents? Is the Capcom Police Department complicit in this wave of organized cheating and early access? Can I get a copy? Let us know in the comments below!

"Max is a dangerous example of inclusiveness and vibrant wholesome representation of the Fighting Game Community and must be stopped at all costs," according to KawaiiUnkoChin, an unsponsored "Anime" player. "How can we sleep with our seed-encrusted dakimakura body pillow at night knowing that this baka casual is killing our scene with his attractive, welcoming attitude using the games and characters I play and masturbate to? What am I supposed to tell the waifu? The childru?"

This piece of trash has been making a successful living with his honest work ethic, positivity, and desire to open up the scene to gaijin devils who are unfamiliar of our sacred anime culture, while true anime players are reduced to consuming nothing but cup ramen from Seben-Ereben. But no longer. Max and his adorable dog's days are numbered.

FGCNN has found damning evidence of his maliciousness towards the anime community and possibly humanity itself which we presented to Our Glorious Leader and Anime Illuminati founder, "Jiyuna", of Max's sister hand-groping the senpai playboy, Ryan "Gootecks" Gutierrez on a beach.



After careful review of the photo, Jiyuna exploded: "HOW COULD [Christiansen] NOT WANT TO BANG HIS HOT IMOUTO (sister)?! IS HE YAOI BOYLOVE OR SOMETHING?" The outcry freed from deep within Jiyuna's Guts baited us to Burst into tears, leaving our spirits Guard Crushed. But he courageously pressed forward with the interview so that others might know the atrocities of this self employed, money-making monster/loving husband.

"We've started a campaign to stop him and his legion of happy fans from enjoying our low-selling games and flooding our empty online match lobbies. He will soon know and elpheel what we have always Elphelt... shame and ostracism!"



And we at FGCNN completely agree. Stop Maximillian by messaging him - which for now is only possible by subscribing to his channel and including your message in a donation note - and let him know the anime gaming scene is only for those who earned it by not taking showers, losing at the more difficult mainstream games and begging EVO for main stage exposure of games nobody plays year after year. 

Will Mr. Christiansen ever be stopped? Who is best waifu? Tell us in a haiku below!

WALNUT, CA — Months after a massive coup which resulted in Triforce Johnson fleeing the country for his safety, Mike Watson has officially replaced Mr. Johnson as Supreme Manchild, a position which includes such duties as making the FGC look socially regressive and exploiting it for personal and financial gain.

While many are uncertain as to whether Mr. Watson can maintain the “leadership” that Mr. Johnson provided while in office, the consensus remains that, by participating in petty online arguments and purchasing expensive toilets on rented property, Mr. Watson is primed to tightly fill the sandy shoes of his predecessor.

“With [Mr. Johnson] gone, the community had nobody in which to direct our hatred” said BrolysThirdLeg, a professional r/kappa user. “People in the subreddit just spewed hatred to anyone who spoke. It was pure anarchy. But now with [Mike Watson] behaving with the class and intelligence of people literally half his age, the community can return to its days of glory!”

LEFT: A helpful matrix of leadership skills (click to enlarge)

Some critics think that Mr. Watson may not have what it takes to maintain the position. “If [Mike Watson] sticks to throwing decent tournaments and keeps his big mouth shut, he might be forced out of office.” remarked ChefBoyardee_BowlOfSoul, a fighting game community analyst and evangelical atheist.

Mr. Watson is expected to give a low-budget press conference later this week, but only if 10 people subscribe to his channel on Twitch.tv. When questioned for further details, Mr. Watson challenged FGCNN correspondents to a fist fizzzight in the Super Arcade parking lot.

What do you think? Will Mr. Watson deliver on his promise to provide the FGC with hours of entertainment through internet thuggery? Or will he be intimidated by screen captures of user's bank accounts? Let us know in the comments below!

SAN FRANCISCO - Riding the wave of his successful head-banging performance at Capcom Cup 2014 as well as the "success" of his most recent FGC themed game Stick Chucker, world famous face DJ and game designer A_Rival, has announced his latest game DJ iPAD Headnika, exclusively for the iPad.

In a recent interview with FGCNN, A_Rival discussed his vision of music and gaming. "I wanted others to feel what it's like to be a professional world-class iDJ, and with Headnika, you'll soon be playing the hottest hits in fighting game music with your skull."

LEFT: Marcus, 23, after a closed public demo of Headnika. "It's like the shards of glass are in 3D!"

In the ambulance ride over to the emergency room after a "dope concussion session" at his music studio, FGCNN was invited to a private demo of his game. Beautiful imagery, live video and colorful graphics compliment the blood that shoots out of every cranial orifice when crushing your head to the beat.



The controls are straight-forward; A colored icon appears on screen, and once the glowing bar hovers over an icon, the player must Dirty Buffalo the iPad as hard as possible. The bigger the impact, the more points and intracranial hemorrhaging the player receives.


"It's difficult at times, like when there are two red icons to hit. The game really shows you how hard it is for real DJs like me.", A_Rival remarked. We then dove head-first into the next song.

A_Rival explains, "Even though the head smashing is simple to grasp, it's still a competitive game." When asked the question if competitive smashing led to irreparable brain damage, A_Rival responded "Yes, but Nintendo is doing the best they can."

A_Rival plans to release branded accessories such as bite-guards for protecting your tongue during the inevitable seizures, as well as replacement touchscreen glass kits for iPads.

What do you think? Will DJ iPAD Headnika be the iOS smash hit of the new year? Will people be able to handle the mindgames of DJ iPAD Headnika? Let us know in the comments below.

HOLLYWOOD CA -- Renowned fighting game player and wall-denting enthusiast Eliver "KillerKai"Ling recently announced his retirement from the fighting game tournaments, citing his intention to concentrate exclusively on his acting career. The announcement came swiftly after a disappointing 9th-place finish at Norcal Regionals, a dimly lit tournament hosted in Sacramento, California.

"There has never been opportunity in the film world for an actor of ambiguous oriental descent" said Mr. Ling. "Whether the role calls for Japanese, Chinese… pretty much any of the 'eses or 'eans — an actor like myself can fit the role, given that the average white person can't tell the difference." Ling continued on to describe, at great length, his joys of portraying such rich characters as "Asian Thug", "Ming Warrior", and "Nguyen".

Mr. Ling was also quick to point out that his earnings as a film star have already proven more lucrative than his winnings as a professional gamer. "Just the other day, I made $50 as 'Miko's gang member (uncredited)' and I got free catered lunch on top of that," said an elated Ling. "I think I made the right decision to move forward with my career in acting." Eliver's latest starring role as "Stuntman" in the film "Anita Ho" only reinforces this notion, and although FGCNN's research team was unable to determine whether Ling plays as a stuntman or a character named "Stuntman" in the film, they did agree that it'd be more awesome if it were the latter.

Do you think that Eliver Ling is better suited for the acting world? Will the fighting game scene be the same without KillerKai in their tournament brackets? How do you escape from ApologyMan's unblockable setups? Sound off in the comments!

CALIFORNIA -- Literally dozens of individuals took to the internet to express extreme outrage at what they are calling the "stupidest decision I have ever seen" after Bronson Tran, Northern California Tekken player and organizer behind the StrongStyle Tekken tournament series, announced that the event's eighth iteration would not feature a live stream, much to the dismay of somewhere between twelve to twenty-four people.
Mr. Tran appeared on the now woman-friendly live talk format program Avoiding the Puddle, hosted by two individuals the Capcom fighting game community identified as "The Guy from Cross Assault" and "The Guy Who Got Bodied By Sherryjenix on Cross Assault", to reveal that plans had been finalized to hold the event in San Mateo, California in September of this year. However, what was initially met with elation from the tens of viewers watching the show rapidly deteriorated into hostility when Tran proclaimed the tournament would not be available for viewing via popular live video portal TwitchTV.
"This is bullshit, okay?" said TwitchTV user EMP_sherryjenixssportsbra when asked to comment. "Every major has a stream. What about the people that can’t make it to the tournament? How are they supposed to enjoy it? They’re supposed to just pay out five hundred dollars to attend or they’re shit out of luck?"
When asked if he intended to attend the tournament, Mr. sherryjenixssportsbra replied that he had never heard of StrongStyle before the announcement, so it was unfair for him to be expected to be prepared to attend.



President of LevelUp and fighting game legend Alex "CaliPower" Valle took to Twitter to voice his displeasure with the decision to not live stream Tekken from StrongStyle. "NorCal Strongstyle not going to be streamed? Good luck with that[, Bronson Tran]". Mr. Valle was later seen backtracking on this comment after the two or three people who still care about Tekken lashed out at him, presumably in defense of Mr. Tran.
Mr. Valle and LevelUp recently made the announcement that PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale would be joining the line-up for Wednesday Night Fights, joining the likes of perennial draw Injustice: Gods Among Us. LevelUp’s partnership with Sony's Santa Monica Studio caught many gamers off guard, as they had completely forgotten the game existed. Many accused Mr. Valle’s Twitter comments of being drawn from a place of professional cynicism over missing an opportunity to stream the event and earn more money to spend in the champagne room on weekends, though a trusted source within the LevelUp production crew told a FGCNN correspondent, "We were just looking to see if we could stream something even more dead than Injustice."
Mr. Tran, who our sources inform us has sequestered himself at the advisement of federal law enforcement after being targeted by several credible death threats, was unavailable to comment at the time of the publishing of this piece.
Is Mr. Tran completely out of line for not providing a free stream to several dozen Tekken fans? Is Mr. Valle attempting to corner the market for streaming dead and irrelevant games? Will Mr. sherryjenixssportsbra get the full-figured support of other monsters? Let us know in the comments below!

LOS ANGELES -- It has been over a week since the conclusion of "Socal Regionals 2014", a premiere Fighting Game Community tournament based in Los Angeles, and Vineeth "Apology Man" Meka has yet to apologize for defeating Ryan "Filipino Champ" Ramirez in Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3 by abusing an unblockable loop setup.
During the match, a distraught Mr. Ramirez made sure to look directly at Mr. Meka while Mr. Meka used unblockable loops with Firebrand to defeat him in what quickly became a single-player game. "It's in the game, so I don't see what the problem is", said a triumphant Mr. Meka. Earlier in the day, Mr. Meka made a series of angry tweets after losing to an unblockable used by Kokonoe players in Blazblue: Chrono Trigger, implying that it did not give him a chance to play and that the unblockable should be removed from the game.
Supporters of Mr. Meka said that the criticism was unfair, since Marvel is a broken "kusoge" or "shitty game"; his supporters appeared to be mainly Anime players who were playing BlazBlue, a historically balanced series with fair characters which are further refined in each subsequent iteration.
Mr. Meka remained silent on the issue, but Mr. Ramirez was adamant that he live up to his name and apologize. "My team is like, you know, skill-based. You can't just play my team and mash crouching L to win matches you know what i'm saying? People have a chance to play against me until I get five bars."
Christopher "Chris G" Gonzalez, widely considered to be Marvel's top player, was unavailable for comment as he was occupied working with local firefighters to rescue a cat stuck in a tree, but he did provide the following brief statement via email: "At least my opponent has the option of blocking my unavoidable, unrelenting stream of projectiles. What he is doing is disgracing the game."
Will Mr. Meka live up to his name and apologize? Should Mr. Meka change his handle, or Internet alias to reflect the fact that he won't apologize for being a cheap player? Let us know how you feel in the comments below!

Proposed new logo design for Team Sleepy

Victor "Spooky" Fontanez shocked the Fighting Game Community this past Friday during "Day 0" of Winter Brawl by revealing that his media and competitive gaming conglomerate, "Team Spooky", would be rebranding itself as "Team Sleepy".
"I was inspired after watching Chris "ChrisG" Gonzalez body all of New York week in and week out with his Morrigan/Doom/Vergil team, so I began taking short naps while the matches played out", said Mr. Fontanez in a brief interview which was cut short when he abruptly began snoring and appeared to have fallen asleep. FGCNN reporters attempted to touch Mr. Fontanez's laptop in an attempt to rouse him from his slumber, at which point he suddenly regained consciousness and added, "I bust my ass day in and day out and I don't get to take breaks, so I figure I should try to get some Z's in during the streams. Besides, Marvel is getting boring and Vortex Fighter is enough to put anyone under these days. That's where the idea for 'Team Sleepy' came from".
Mr. Fontanez made the introduction, ironically, during a series of Team Tournaments on the inaugural day of the Winter Brawl stream. Mr. Fontanez started off the stream with his trademark introduction: "What's up guys, this is--" and nodded off, lightly snoring while the stream went on unattended. Spooky's team mates, Min "TS|Min" An and Arturo "Sabin" Sanchez could also been seen taking naps during their match against Team Korea in the Super Street Fighter IV Team Tournament, with Mr. An losing to Avermedia's Kelvin Jeon after opting to go for a siesta, and Mr. Sanchez pulling off a win when he unexpectedly awoke during a critical point in the match and made an amazing read. "I don't even know what happened, I was half-asleep dreaming about Kamui when I woke up and just pressed some buttons, but it worked out in the end", said a dazed Mr. Sanchez. Shorty thereafter, Mr. Sanchez was observed falling asleep in the spectator's area, mumbling something about subscribing to his Youtube channel.
As the face of "Team Sleepy", Mr. Fontanez is also considering changing his handle(internet alias) to "Sleepy" as part of the rebranding effort. "Taking a nap is one of the few moments of peace for me lately, and we're rebranding the team, so maybe I should change my name to be consistent". Mr. Fontanez curled into a ball on the ground next to a FGCNN correspondent and began purring softly, apparently having fallen asleep.
In addition to the rebranding. Mr. Fontanez also intends to expand his programming offerings into areas such as sleep observation. Mr. Fontanez plans to set up a webcam in his room and stream himself sleeping, which he says "will give the skulls a deeper connection to myself as a person and the brand. I want Team Sleepy to be a family". Mr. Fontanez admits that such a stream may violate Twitch.tv's Terms of Service, but FGCNN Analysists suspect this will not be an issue, as Twitch is known to enforce their Terms of Service to suit their best interests.



Will "Team Sleepy" help Mr. Fontanez and his company cross over into the mainstream? Is Mr. Fontanez overworked, underpaid, and drowning in sleep debt? Will Mr. Fontanez regret the change now that Mr. Gonzalez has relocated to California? Let us know in the comments below!

LAS VEGAS -- As Evolution Champion Series (EVO2K), the world's largest and most profitable fighting game tournament, inches ever closer, hungry and impoverished gamers eagerly wait to learn the lineup of games which will be announced on iPlaywinner's podcast "The Fray". Once-a-year fighting game fans are sure to rejoice over the prospect of sync-watching a lineup of games they may have played once with a few friends while drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon.  The announcement, originally scheduled to take place on February 6th, was delayed by Joey "MrWizard" Cuellar after a tragic betting disaster involving the Denver Broncos and the subsequent McRib binge which left him digestively incapacitated. In light of this unexpected catastrophe, FGCNN's Strategy Team has contacted its most trusted sources to bring you the most comprehensive and probable list of games that you can expect to see at EVO2K this year.


INCLUDED: Killer Instinct
FGCNN analysts consider Killer Instinct a no-brainer. With Amazon's recent purchase of Double Helix, Microsoft will be desperate to maintain customer confidence in their new system's flagship fighting franchise, and with desperation comes prime opportunity for related event organizers to squeeze promotional capital from these deep-pocketed companies. Mad Catz's joystick department could also use help clearing their warehouses which are full of Killer Instinct Fight Sticks.




INCLUDED: Street Fighter X Tekken
This next game on the roster will certainly be Capcom's beloved Street Fighter X Tekken, which, despite its bad press and nonexistent tournament scene, will serve as a great vehicle to change Capcom's mind about leaving their game unplayable online for their PC audience. As a bonus, FGCNN notes that there are plenty of Street Fighter X Tekken Sticks that Mad Catz has available at a discount.




INCLUDED: Injustice: Gods Among Us
Past experience has shown that Netherrealm Studios have never shied away from shelling out the cash money for a prominent spot in EVO2K's lineup. Netherrealm Studios has also teamed up with Mad Catz to produce a tournament-caliber fighting joystick, which is available for purchase now. FGCNN admits that the entire staff fell asleep during the top 8 of last year's tournament, but also remarked their relief at the possibility of not seeing Superman mirrors.




NOT INCLUDED: KOF XIII
With no free t-shirt to bait EVO2K entrants, FGCNN's data shows that KOF XIII's numbers are sure to collapse. Other studies show that players in the Asian region are reacting negatively to being super-free to Latin America and may not attend. Possible replacements include Soul Calibur V, which has a tournament joystick avaiable courtesy of our friends at Mad Catz.




INCLUDED: Super Smash Bros (any version)
The Fighting Game Community has continually voiced the concern that the Smash Brothers series is not a fighting game; however, given their strong showing at Apex and their incredible donation performance last year, the EVO2K staff would be wise to appease Nintendo in any way possible, despite Nintendo's past disdain for its own community and lack of a Mad Catz joystick.




WILDCARD: BlazBlue: Chrono Trigger
While not a complete shoe-in, FGCNN suggests that Square Enix's popularity in the Japanese Role-Playing Game realm maybe entice a brand new audience to attend and compete in EVO, and possibly purchase a BlazBlue joystick from the excess pile at Mad Catz's HQ. FGCNN's sources inform us that excess piles of BlazBlue joystick boxes at the Mad Catz warehouses look remarkably similar to piles of Walter White's cash in Breaking Bad.



How accurate are our staff's predictions? Can the FGC maintain it's hype amidst lack of new games? Will this Evolution Championship Series be the best yet? Will the Seahawks win the Super Bowl next year? Let us know in the comments!

As the Fighting Game Community is recovering from the startling revelation that Loren "Fanatiq" Riley no longer has a functioning coupon code to pelt live stream viewers with, the community has been blind-sided yet again by divisive infighting and yet another influential sponsor unexpectedly dropping top players from its roster.
Emmanuel "CDJr" Brito, an outspoken member of the Top Players Party known for dropping more games than Andre "Omgitzandre" Howard drops combos, took to the Twitter airwaves this afternoon and lashed out against "Original Gangsters" and the alleged "Illuminati" and demanded that they step aside and allow the Fighting Game Community to grow beyond "ballroom[s] at a hotel" and enter the grown-up world of convention centers. "It's time to let big companies take over so they can push our games even more. Cause [in my opinion] shit WILL stay the same unless that happens.", an enraged Mr. Brito said via his Twitter account. "I honesty cant believe [Maxter]EMP_Maxter [Brito] got payed (sic) more for getting 3rd in [Major League Gaming] than [Ho Kun] Xian did forgetting first IN SF4 at Evo.", he added, going on to say that Street Fighter IV at a Major League Gaming (MLG) event would "double the payout Evo has plus different states all tournaments [...] venue 100x bigger, free raffles, free food drink". FGCNN analysts were quick to note that the Evolution Fighting Game Championships do not have "free food drink" nor do they have "different states all tournaments", which would imply that Mr. Brito is on to something, or on something.
Fighting Game Community Critics were quick to step in and fire back at Mr. Brito, such as James "jchensor" Chen, retired lifetime 0-2 player and noted Cammy apologist, who was quick to call Mr. Brito "confused". "I want [the Fighting Game Community] to be successful like eSports, I just wanna do it OUR way.", Mr. Chen said via his Twitter account, going on to say that "building it up yourself is a lot better than relying on someone else to do it for you.". It is unclear what Mr. Chen is doing to build up the Fighting Game Community beyond stating incorrect "facts" during broadcasts of Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3 and constantly being baited by clowns into social media arguments.
Mr. Chen went on to say that "going eSports" would lead to community contributors/content producers such as Team Spooky, iPlayWinner, BossLogic, LevelUp, Seth Mussey and the like to no longer be able to earn pennies on the dollar from "CPM", or online ad money for working 12+ hour days with little to no recognition from top players. "MLG doesn't need them.", said Mr. Chen, noting that MLG and other "eSports" leagues would simply pay their own production teams or hire freelance contractors rather than do something intelligent like hire from within the community, such as when MLG contracted or hired Fighting Game Community members such as Ryan "fubarduck" Harvey, Min "TS Min" An, Eric "Juicebox" Albino, and Arturo "Sabin" Sanchez, among others in 2012. " Mr. Chen went on to say that if the Fighting Game Community grows itself organically without the assistance of "corporate" leadership such as MLG, the community will "have our own organizers, TOs, coaches, commentators, analysts, article writers [...] The FGC players can make it a CAREER. That's what I want. I'm looking VERY long term." FGCNN analysts are quick to note that Mr. Chen is approaching forty years of age.
Amidst all of the unproductive and poisonous infighting on social media outlets, Mad Catz poured fuel on the fire by announcing that they are dropping two of their sponsored players from their roster. Ghim Kee Eng, better known as "Gackt", and Ho Kun Xian, better known as "Xian", were unceremoniously dropped by Mad Catz 3 days ago according to Mark "MarkMan" Julio's Twitter account. "We have removed the profiles of [Mr. Xian] & [Mr. Eng] from [the Mad Catz website] & wish them the best in the future! We owe [Mr. Xian and Mr. Eng] so much for their hard work & representation. I'm sure they will do great in their next venture!" Mad Catz dropping the 2013 Evolution Fighting Game Series Champion for Super Street Fighter IV on the heels of Performance Designed Products (PDP) announcing that they were disbanding the "Team Afterglow Elite" gaming team has led some members of the Fighting Game Community, such as Mr. Brito, to call for reform in community leadership in order to produce more opportunities for advancement and monetary gain. FGCNN Financial Analysts recommends that perhaps Mr. Brito, and everyone else in the Fighting Game Community should remember that they are playing video games, and they should perhaps seek gainful employment from an individual or business with an actual plan and sustainable revenue stream.
Are the "Original Gangsters" and the "Illuminati" holding back the Fighting Game Community from advancing? Will Mr. Chen succeed in his dream to get paid a living wage to make factually inaccurate statements about games he doesn't play? Will Mr. Brito finally turn in the McDonalds application he has been sitting on for so long and play video games for fun again? Will everyone remember that we're all just playing video games and forget about trying to make a living off of this stuff? Let us know in the comments below!

THE INTERNET -- Another company has opted to release it's reigns on the FGC. Performance Designed Products, better known to the fighting game community as PDP, has discontinued their Team Afterglow Elite Program.

Whether or not this is detrimental to the FGC is up for interpretation, as many have expressed disinterest in hearing about discount codes on fighting game streams, and believe that the dissolution of this team may lead to less of that.

Rumors are circulating that Chris G will join fighters Ricky Ortiz and Justin Wong on Team EG after his move to California. Others also speculate that Fanatiq will join Team Target in order to earn funds to refill his paypal account.

THE USA -- Fighting Gamers and Tournament Organizers alike are up in arms following the discovery of serious and intermittent input latency while using CronusMAX™adapters during tournament play. Leaders in the community have suspected suspected these malfunctions to exist previously, but this marks the first time that criticism for this particular device has been virtually unanimous. Several players at the recent fighting game tournament Defend the North confirmed not only latency but random pausing in their matches while using this popular device.

Players have also reported that the device damages your XBOX 360, leaving them unable to recognize controllers plugged into the USB ports. FGCNN experts note that an XBOX 360 with this affliction is less worthless than a PS3 with only Divekick installed on it.

Several tournament organizers have since banned the use of these adapters during tournament play.
FGCNN experts note that these problems may surface when using the adapter on the XBOX One, and that the potentially-harmful situation could have been avoided had Microsoft included controller backward-compatibility in their console.

CronusMAX was unavailable for comment; however, a Microsoft spokesperson did reach out to let us know that these malfunctions have nothing to do with their generally unreliable hardware.

UPDATE: The CronusMAX team has released a statement on a popular gaming forum which confirms the issues discussed in this article, which then goes on to claim that their team is not the original Cronus device developers, and that the current batch of devices were purchased in bulk from the original manufacturer. Since the recent fallout, they have updated the available firmware on their devices, but also note that it is still possible to utilize button macros and other usable forms of cheating, therefore rendering it completely illegal for tournaments. Cronus also notes that a possible "Tournament Edition" adapter may be released with a new name, equipped with firmware which lacks cheating functions.